About

We are Dan and Emma. We’re a twenty-something couple from Melbourne, Australia, and together we’re driving across America. From San Francisco to New York in 60 days with extended stopovers in LA, San Fran and NYC.

All up it’s a 91-day trip on our 90-day visas. How will U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services treat a pair of cocky ‘Strayan overstayers? For his money, Dan is tipping ‘not well’. But so is Emma. So we haven’t actually put any money on it.*

On this blog we’ll be chronicling the ups and downs of our journey. Do you like anecdotes about faux meat? Because we’ve got some corkers. We’ll also cover the Bible Belt, thrift stores, national parks, guns, public transport and miscellaneous Americana.

A lot of our content will be nonsense. Some of it will be useful. And a fraction of it will be useful nonsense.

We hope to sate the curiosity of our more well-traveled readers by immersing ourselves in unusual situations in order to create a list of atypical travel FAQs. This could mean deliberately putting ourselves in harm’s way. Especially when we aim to answer unsettled questions that include: what happens when you ask for facon at a Texas smokehouse BBQ? Will the Crips like or dislike Dan’s outfit of brown brogues, tight white socks and high-fastened Cotton On shorts? Are there certain types of handguns that can injure, but not kill, a person?

Dan expects we’ll be able to answer two of these questions concurrently…

This is us:

Dan

Dan treats himself to some peanut butter cups on Venice beach (shirt on).

Dan treats himself to some peanut butter cups at Venice Beach (shirt on).

I don’t like hot weather or capsicum. So traveling through the south could be shitful.

I try too hard to ingratiate myself with cynical intellectual charlatans. I try to impress them by saying pretentiously urbane things like “I don’t read Australian newspapers either” and “Pffft. Politics? Pfffffffffft,” and “They used to say avocado was a ‘superfood’ too”. I’m hoping this personality trait will endear me to the trendy New York crowd.

I find it difficult to look attractive on the beach in broad daylight. When I’m at home, I sometimes wrongly convince myself that I have an athletic physique. The soft and flattering glow of my bathroom’s downlight casts shadows over my midsection that can make a crease between two fat deposits look like a ridge of chiseled muscle. But when the curves and contours of my body are bathed in harsh sunlight, those complimentary shadows all but disappear. So I’m worried about looking infirm in front of the classically beautiful Californians. What if a high school jock on Venice Beach ridicules my soggy belly? I guess I could leave my shirt on…

This road trip will mark the first time I’ve ever tried to grow a full beard. You can read more about that later.


Emma

2013-09-06 16.01.37

Emma likes food.

My illusions about the south have led me to advocate for a shotgun wedding in Vegas. This would not only tick another act of classic Americanism off my bucket list, but ensure our acceptance as a couple in the red states. A byproduct of this, I’m hoping, will be en masse offerings of pie and baked goods from wholesome Christian families we meet along our route (pronounced ROW-t). Please email aloveoftwobrains@gmail.com with any other suggested methods of acquiring free food.

My support for Dan’s ill-fated beard attempt lies in the hope that his fuzz will successfully distract any bears away from my pheromones and towards the familiar, bushy comfort of his meager mane. I am worried that he has cottoned onto this and, wishing to revenge himself upon me, has hidden my moisturiser in an attempt to amp up the scaliness of my skin. So when we hit Nevada the rattlesnakes will be on me like a trucker to a cap.

I’m sure to be a quivering mass of venom and pie come Thanksgiving. But at least I’ll be married.

*We’ve got an appointment with the USCIS on Monday September 16, we’ll let you know how negotiating with The Man goes.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: